yeh
my online diary.
june 6. would've been nice to have a physical diary, but carpal tunnel syndrome is addicted to me. at least i filled my old journal, much more consistant than i've ever been before. i started writing diaries after that one episode of adventure time where jake finds one in a river. or is this a journal? is there a difference? do i give a shit? that's the only question i have the answer to. it's a no. i've been trying to move back to traditional things, and E said that my handwriting "looks like it's from a fantasy game, like zelda or something, i know you're the biggest zelda fan ever". they're so cute, now i'm kind of obsessed with my handwriting.
gonna try making an entry every day. maybe i’ll make a few of ‘em all pete-wentz-y, that’s the goal isn’t it? i already think in edgy metaphors most of the time anyway. dunno, the goal of aiming to sound like someone else ain't exactly appealing to me, but i do love a good emo blog post.
this isn't the ideal place for an online diary though lol is it. im just here to look cool and ramble about nothing and everything all at once, thank you very much. and im here to do that in relative obscurity. all i want is a place where no one i know irl will ever find me. like sure, if you knew me irl, you could probably figure out this was my account, but you'd only find the account in the first place if you were really stalker-level looking.
maybe i like those odds.
i went out with T. weather is always bad here, raining like shit. we had to share an umbrella. kicking my legs and screaming into my pillow and twirling my hair as i think about it. she kept looking at me.
we didn't do much other than hang around at the mall, but it was fun. vinyl window shopping and eating mcdonalds in the freezing rain is dogshit, but it's cool to be dogshit. i asked her what color i should dye my hair, when i get the balls to do it under my moms nose, and she said purple. she said purple suited my eyes. ??? gay ass. we also played xbox at her house, well, she did. and i watched. i've always been pretty ass at video games. but i crush rhythm games under my heel. when i was like 11, i was #5 on the osu leaderboard i fear.
i really missed T, she'd been gone to her hometown in romania for two weeks. i would've hugged her when i saw her, but for some reason, i didn't.
june 7. out with T again. we went to this small polish shop today, which was really fun, we got a lot, but most importantly, a huge watermelon. grocery shopping for two is always easier than for one. it's also easier when she knows how to really cook stuff.
it was a cold one today, so shame on me for wearing a skirt. which i suck at. i suck at femininity. every thrift shop on earth stinks like shit. we laughed until we couldn't breathe looking at all the weird dvds in there. my friend group has this tradition of going into second hand and buying all the clearance 50c dvds and watching them. our best find was high school musical 3.
i'd love to collect all the shitty ones we don't watch and burn the discs.
june 13. i tried coffee for the first time today. is that too late? i'm 14 and until yesterday i've never had coffee. you're a loser, dude. i used to be way petty about not drinking coffee (?? lmfao) because a girl i rejected was obsessed with coffee. like i swear to god. who makes coffee a personality trait. maybe that'll be me. iced coffee is fucking heavenly aswell, i'm not beating gay stereotypes.
i went out with the boys. saturdays are for the #boys. we played one piece monopoly, like the anime, that's so random. me and E are really competitive. i came second, only because E has beginners luck. i'm the monopoly goat. we went to the store and bought a chocolate cake for 15 euro because we're insane or something. no idea what we'd do with it so we went on famousbirthdays and chose somebody random to dedicate this cake to. happy bday, chris evans. i have the same birthday as hayley williams. sick or what.
june 24. i went to the home depo of ireland with them today. i bought a pepper flower (?? what's wrong with me) and.. another one. the name is escaping me but it's #sexy. i can finally harvest food like how i do it in stardew valley.
the road to the home depo is dangerous as hell, and T has balls i guess, she kept crossing without looking, we had to run across it and dodge cars. i was laughing so hard when T almost fell. there was a broken down wall beside the store, and now i have a piece of it in my drawer. i stopped everyone so i could go shove it in my pocket. trash mammal. one time, on my road, a dude stole a government car and crashed it into a wall. it looked like that.
photos T took at romania. very video game concept art. the third one reminds me of the moomins.
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my online diary.
july 2. i'm on holidays. & tired as all fuck. i spent last night talking to A on a discord vc instead of sleeping, like a major dumbass.
me and mom found this pathway along the river around here, and i felt like a ghibli movie protagonist. like when chihiro and her family find the theme park thingy. there was really overgrown field (a local that lives there told me it wasn't always overgrown, so i'm happy i was there to see it beautiful like that) and train railways going above it.
there's a bridge beside the railway, and i'd run beside the train when it goes past. i wrote my name on the bridge with a marker i found at the playground close by, which is probably fucking filthy, who cares.
from on top of the bridge you can see an abandoned mental institute. dope as fuck.
july 6. i can't really tell what is real and what isn't a lot of the times. when im having serious bouts of body dysmorphia, i try on so many pieces of my clothing, trying to desperately understand what it really looks like. what does my body look like? why can't i focus my eyes really well? and even if i do, briefly, it's just a for a fleeting second. then I'm left wondering if I've ever felt that exact emotion before. my boyfriend is in hospital. things suck.
last night i just cried a whole lot. it felt good. i'm drinking overpriced starbucks.
i am NOT a photographer. if only T was here so i could use her magical skills.
the river that ran through the field. very brown. E said it's full of shit.
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my online diary.
unedited pic of the sky today